Headline Smasher

If I ever run for any sort of office, gonna make "BE ATTITUDE FOR GAINS" my campaign slogan.

Pound Bulbasaur cutlets until tender, bread and fry, top with tomato sauce and fresh grated parmesan, bake. Parmigiana that has the flavor of eggplant and the cruelty of veal!

...shit. I knew I should've gone to law school.

Stay tuned as our live coverage of the breakup of Pangaea continues!

The biggest downfall. A perfect downfall!

Martin Gore lyrics created by smashing up real headlines!

https://headlinesmasher.com/520301

https://headlinesmasher.com/520247

Yet it is not a cargo cult. One of life's little mysteries.

HEY! Don't you do cocaine at ME, you son of a bitch!

Another would-be paladin falls from grace.

The ship's badly damaged, but at least there were no casualties. ...Wait, where's the captain?

CHUBBY MATURE WHITE BOSS FILLS 18 GAPING HOLES

()-().----. .
\"/` ___ ;________.'
` ^^ ^^

Tigers?

What's that you're hiding behind your back, Missouri?

Silver Age comic book cover quotes created by smashing up real headlines!

not one of Opeth's better albums, IMO

Unfortunately it's a bit late for that.

https://images.app.goo.gl/fSjxhokFKkfNM5JG6

Moof!

Nasser?

I wish!

♫♪ I see all good ploonets turn their heads each day, so satisfied I'm on my way. ♪♫

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0084899/

Take that, Terrence Malick.

That deadbeat Mayzie Bird's up to her old tricks again.

I slipped and landed on Aretha Franklin's couch, and the next thing I knew...

Lucky bastard has a copy of Hyper Duel.

Uh, no, you're thinking of flowers.

This almost crossed the line to "so awful I can't bring myself to save it" from "so awful I have to save it." You upvoted it before I could have second thoughts, haha.

"Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be" = Hitler only had one ball. "There's a shadow hanging over me" = the perceived Zionist threat. "Oh, I believe in yesterday" = Nazi irredentism.

This is just every other NYT op-ed.

It was eventually released as Journey to Sabritas.

Sent to the ER
Insurance won't cover trip
Medicare For All

This makes so little and so much sense.

Some restaurants just shouldn't have open kitchens.

At the very least spare Sparky's Ice Cream!

Equus II just wasn't as compelling as the original.

We're not scaremongering—this is really happening!