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Comments

Sicko Invented Twin as Scapegoat After Trying to Secretly Fart

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This might be one of my all-time favorites.

How Virus Will Change the Game in First Speech as Biden's Running Mate

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ahahahahahahahahahahaha

This Little Baby Boat May Be the Next Great Renewable?

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I don't believe it!

"Disturbing" Dream Leads to Many Thousands of Converts

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This is a rather evocative one.

Top Comments Dropping Like an Alien Penis

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Buried in gelatin, beneath the sands of Venus.

I Pooped in My Mouth

Ren & Stimpy Revival Coming to Netflix Is Sexualizing Young Girls

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This is horrible and perfect.

Squirrels Stash 50 Pounds of Cocaine, Heroin

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That's frikkin' c-c-cool!

Here's How Ginger Can Help Improve Your Posture

Cook Out's Watermelon Milkshake Gets Me Through the Coronavirus Crisis

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It would if I lived in NC, anyway.

Wikipedia Editors Have Been Documented in Ancient Chinese Medicine

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[citation needed]

If Only There Were Ass Dentists!

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Catullus 97

Press X to Dismantle Police Force

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X

Ranchers Finding Prayer Rugs on Southern Border

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This is literally just an infowars headline, lol

Jack Black Brings Back Ben Affleck

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This is a genuinely good tongue-twister.

Standing Is Hard Core

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Also hardcore: drinking water with one hand.

Charlize Theron Is an Instant

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I would have assumed a legend or planeswalker.

RDR2 Is on a Diet Pills

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This was funnier when I thought it said R2D2.

3-Ingredient Pulled Pork Jalapeno Poppers

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a culinary puzzle

There Is No Blood in My Mouth?

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It's victory wine.

Watch the Claws Come Out of Your Taste Buds

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This made me, like, reflexively scrape my tongue against my teeth. Eurgh.

Burt Lancaster Swims Across Time and Space in a Movie

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Legit one of my favorite movies. Highly recommended to Twilight Zone and Black Mirror fans.

Williams Sonoma Is Having Sex in Public Without Exposing Their Faces

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This year's New Kings of Sapphic Erotica contest got a little out of hand.

Florida Must Help Save the Earth

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We're doomed.

Suicide Is a Wonderful Coming-Out Story

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I kinda feel like I should apologize for saving this one.

Children in Spain With Two Heads Which Fight Each Other in Bizarre Fight in "Two Rounds"

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an Academy Award-nominated documentary, no doubt

Beggars Apparently CAN Be Hard Boiled

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jesus christ

Beans Are Good, but the Studio Desired an Entirely Uncertain Time

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It's really not fair to the artist to expect them to just show up at a moment's notice to blast ass into a mic. You need time to prepare.

Help! My Date Ghosted Me After He Died

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10/10

Hard Proof That Will Blow You Away

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;)

Best Albums of the Damned

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Strawberries, followed by Machine Gun Etiquette

Seawater Is Filled With a Sweater

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Yes, "a sweater" is an anagram of "seawater."

Yes, I'm scared too.

Japan Announces New Album This Week

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Got momentarily hopeful that this might be a real headline when I saw it, and then I remembered Mick Karn died in 2011.

How Do I Have So Many Octopuses

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Stop humblebragging about your Animal Crossing town.

Only a Sweary Person Can Read These Numbers

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Fuckton. Shitload. Sextillion.

Why We Can't Stop Eating a New Poco Phone Out, but It's Kinda Boring

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I know, right? I never understood why some people are so into phone sex.

Tears for Fears Everybody Wants to Retire

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Everybody loves a happy ending.

Bernie Sanders Could Be Infected , as Deadly Outbreak to Worsen

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A headline I fear I'll actually see in the months to come

This Man's Incredible Journey of Self Discovery With His Hand Stuck Down His Pants

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So inspiring!

Philadelphia Cream Cheese Into a Manhattan

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Don't knock it till youse tried it.