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Comments

List: Books You Want to Go F--K Themselves

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1. Atlas Shrugged

Once the Music Starts, Your Jaw Will Be Fine

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I'm not sure I believe you, Shawn Michaels.

Trader Joe's "Unexpected Cheddar Spread" Is an Example of Police Van Gogh

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and David Lowery's "Take the Skinheads Bowling" is an example of Camper Van Beethoven

Cocaine in the Marvel Universe

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I almost said Snowflame, but that was DC, lol

Make a Quick Chicken Stock in Your Walls

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Where do you think I live, Castlevania?

Big Stars and Emcees Who Crossed the Rainbow Bridge

Don't Believe the Truth

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It PAINS me every time this generates a banger tweet now, lol.

Threads Is Trying to Howl

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No, you're thinking of Bluesky.

Actually Tasty Cereals That Are About Humiliation

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Trix

Easter Is a Punishment

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I too have played Animal Crossing: New Horizons.

Burning Man Sues Burger King for Grilling Him

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This is one of my favorites out of all the headlines I've ever generated.

Kim Kardashian Is in ICU, Asking for Your Bladder? Here's Your Answer

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"I'd like to hold on to that, but you're welcome to its contents."

Biden Snaps: You Think I Don't Know — About the Game

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This year's Wrestlemania just got a lot more interesting.

All the Details on Scary Play Golf

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slightly disappointed to see Scary Play Golf isn't the title of an existing game

Watch Bruce Lee Kick Major Ass in His Face at WrestleMania

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"Major Ass" Billy Gunn

Where to Find the Snake Clitoris

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the snitoris, as it is better known

Airbnb Has a Clitoris. Why Don't I Have a "great Problem" in the Game, Ranked Choice

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This is one of those ones where you really wish it just stopped after the first sentence, haha.

If Someone Does This Then It's Probably a Sign They Like You to Click

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This is impressively self-referential.

Man, 48, Dies After Being Left Empty for Decades

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:(

The Best Gifts You Can Make Your Orgasms

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some of Yoda's lesser-known advice to Luke

Hyundai Opens First Car-Powered Hotel With the IONIQ 5 Pumpkin

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You gotta pay extra for the Fairy Godmother, though.

BOOM! NASA Just Hit a Cat, California Officials Say Goodbye

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hahahahahahahahahaha

Most People Avoid Ugly Animals. I'm Obsessed With Changing Mine

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Cover tagline for a sleazy '60s romance novel that has horribly regressive views on relationships

Tropical Storm Danielle Strengthens Into Hurricane Ian

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Good for him.

D-Von Dudley Gives Update on WEDDING CRASHERS 2, Says They're "Exploring Some Ideas"

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They're going to make it a 3D film.

How to Feel Bombarded by Clutter

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I could write the book on this, but I'm too busy and stressed out to get around to it.

It's Corn! Maryland Corn Maze Returns to Midwest Earlier Than Expected

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giggling uncontrollably at the idea of a migrating corn maze

"Fuck" Belongs to Missing Man, Georgia Police Say. Now, Brother Is Charged

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This is why you shouldn't give a fuck.

The Best Animated Movies Are "Way More Explicit"

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-- Ralph Bakshi

Are YouTubers Good or Bad for the Shrinking Colorado River

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Good! Definitely good. Throw a few in there. If it doesn't seem to be working, try more.

I'm Sorry, but It's a Bigger Ass

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You don't have to apologize! It's okay. Really.

Child Tumbles Out of Chocolate

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Ach! Augustus! Thank goodness you're alright!

Wine of the Flames

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They're signed to 4AD.

The Increasingly Dangerous Variants of the Billionaire

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10/10

Tesla Model 3s Spotted Testing in Public Bathrooms

Giant Will Install Plexiglass Shields in Baltimore-Area Stores as It Comes

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I haven't full-on hurt myself laughing at one of these in a long time. Dear God.

Here's How the Magnificent Faceless Drone Hosts Are Made of Chocolate

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The technology is groundbreaking, but it was extremely shitty of Wonka to do this in response to the Oompa Loompas unionizing.

Quote of the Most Dangerous Bathtime

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"Oh, good, my toast is done."

A Skull From the Friends Reunion

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Ross's, we all hope.

Tiny Houses Are More Popular Than Ever, but Many People Are Eating Each Other

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Jesus Christ, I think this is already one of my all-time favorites.