Headline Smasher | Stupidly Funny Computer-Generated Fake Headlines

1	1 Vote	5 Ways You Suck at Customer Service Without Realizing It Was the Cooler Twin in The Microwave
1	1 Vote	Hate Animal Cruelty and Don't Want to Land on Mars Chocolate Chip Cookies
1	1 Vote	When These Kids Both Found Out a Poor Mom Sold Her Baby, She Decided to Screw Everything Up All the Things Frankie Muniz Loves
1	1 Vote	Purdue's Helmet Game Is A++ Hotness
1	1 Vote	This Short but Brilliant Talk Will Change Your Passwords
1	1 Vote	Woman Discovers Her Kids Are Huge Jerks
1	1 Vote	Here's Why a Pizza Chain Says We've Been Waiting for Forever
1	1 Vote	I Am Comic Book of Jezebel: Witty! Unruly! Evidence of a Heroin Overdose
1	1 Vote	As Soon as I Was Furious
1	1 Vote	Holly Hunter Talks Batman V Superman Might Kill Off a Table
1	1 Vote	Jen Kirkman Hides in a Shark Cage -- and It's Excellent
1	1 Vote	Dr. Dre Celebrates Becoming a Terrifyingly Intelligent Smart Weapons Truck
1	1 Vote	Cam'ron and Damon Dash Did a Number on My Thong? An Investigation
1	1 Vote	Chuck Norris Has Some Cleavage and Outlandish Outfits on the Word "Ahmed"
1	1 Vote	NBC Decides It's Really Cold Outside
1	1 Vote	Dancing With Her Son to Death After UK's Laws Left Her "No Alternative"
1	1 Vote	Figwit, Our Favorite Extremely Minor Elf Union
1	1 Vote	These Eighth Graders Scripted a Play Date
1	1 Vote	Jose Fernandez's First Home Run That Touched the Upper Reaches of Space Photography
1	1 Vote	Little Kids in the Armed Forces
1	1 Vote	Mark Zuckerberg Is Making Everything Shitty
1	1 Vote	Want to Feel All of My Exploding Balls Collide
1	1 Vote	Douchebags Like You to Watch Charles Barkley Into an Internet Sex Ghetto
1	1 Vote	Woman Takes a Bullet in the Dick to All the Things Babe Ruth Proud
1	1 Vote	Bono Is Sorry for Hack
1	1 Vote	Snapchat CEO: The Friend I Screwed Should Be "Utterly Ashamed" of Itself
1	1 Vote	What if H.P. Lovecraft Wrote the Same 11 Questions We Always Ask a Bunch of People That Never Should Have Been More H.R. Giger-Esque
1	1 Vote	Scientists Discover Rats Are Turned on by Sexy Lady Gaga
1	1 Vote	Virginia Tech Shooting Survivor Makes Terrific App to Disrupt Pregnancy
1	1 Vote	A Man Born With No Revenue or Assets Somehow Worth $4.75 Billion
1	1 Vote	Da'Quan Goes to Dentist, Turns Self Back in and When She Dusts Herself Off and Begins Again, WOW What a Rave Full of Lies
1	1 Vote	Finance Douche Throws Pee-Pants Tantrum After Being Ass-Kicked to Tears
1	1 Vote	Our Freelancer Got Shafted by a Bear
1	1 Vote	If a Bundled-Up Girl Is About to Blow Up the World Record With 41 Simpsons Tattoos
1	1 Vote	If You Have Bitcoin in Mt.Gox, You Are Loved. You Are Not for the New Tool
1	1 Vote	Sexy Mugshot Guy Is About to Light It Up. Stick Around, Enjoy the Moment
1	1 Vote	This Is One Wedding You'll Wish You Would Get Hard Ons
1	1 Vote	Don't Be Silly, Hello Kitty Is a Guy on a Wild Rabbit Using Snakes
1	1 Vote	This Simple Hack to Shoot Reporter, Mace Chris Hayes
1	1 Vote	The Cult of Productivity Loves to 69

Breaking:

—	1 Vote	It Was Worth the Purchase?
—	1 Vote	Three Ways to Make an Amazing Pie With Science!
—	1 Vote	Arkansas Loses After Bizarre Field Goal Miss
—	1 Vote	Reader Squees: UR INTERRUPTING MY SNACK TIME Travel
—	1 Vote	Jimmy Kimmel Offers to Fight "growing" Threat
—	1 Vote	21 Photos of My Failings (Camilla Tominey/Telegraph)