Headline Smasher

This is a factual statement.

69 666 420 1337

every news article in existence

It happens to the best of us

Good luck!

Moose is angry, moose smash

All 6 of them.

A collection of garden gnomes in a trench coat revealed to be the prime minister of canada as agriculture boosts gdp by 4.6%

It'd be awesome if this had a comma

Just give up. Scientists have been dedicating their entire lives to chasing down a solution for centuries now.

Too soon?

The first line of Trump's obituary.

Hallelujah!

And that's still 11 hours too many.

Because you'll drown?

If AI Weirdness taught me anything, computers are terrible chefs. Unless you're into "Crock Pot Cold Water" or "Beothurtreed Tuna Pie." Whatever that is.

...and they're still better at drawing blood than the ER nurses.

This was bound to happen after they got a Sysmeh-eh-eh-ehx.

You've gone too far, McDonald's...

This is a America.

A bold new stance for his 2020 election platform.

"Hear me out..."

This has to be the most metal way to die ever.

The wi-fi is surprisingly good down here.

This would make a great movie.

Ouch, indeed.

He disappeared in the rainbow triangle and was never seen again.

Either/or is fine, I guess.

Mixed together randomly in an unknown ratio.

Ah, so THAT'S Tom Brady's secret! He huffs Raid!

You are replaceable, Bob. We can make more of you.

I believe it.

- paid for by the friends of Bowser Koopa

Congratulations! It's a dude!

Goo goo g'joob, motherfucker.

This could almost be something from The Onion.

When Disney gets a hold of the 'Alien' franchise...

This is the worst genie ever.

I can relate to this-- Poppy seed bagels are just so dang delicious.

Welp, time to buy my ticket!