Headline Smasher | Stupidly Funny Computer-Generated Fake Headlines

1	1 Vote	Weapons Expert Sees "Constructive Beginning" in Syria Executing Prisoners
1	1 Vote	"30 Devastated Pets Humiliated by the Ocean" on "Kimmel"
1	1 Vote	Sometimes Jon Stewart Perfectly Illustrates the Horrors of Addiction
1	1 Vote	Secret Underground Vault Contains All Lego Sets in History Class
1	1 Vote	5 Questions: Never Forget Daylight Saving Time Is Really Just Sloppy Fanfic
1	1 Vote	Absurd Creature of the Moment: Kelly Mittendorf Is Fashion's Newest Sensation
1	1 Vote	Plowed! Drunk Man Holding a Toy Ray-Gun Belt Buckle. Because Security
1	1 Vote	24 Brilliant Bits of Wisdom Concerning the Adversities of Butterface Dating: The Lost Fragments
1	1 Vote	Five Best Online Dating Doesn't Work Act
1	1 Vote	14 Facts That Prove Russia Was Insane Sand
1	1 Vote	10 Mistakes Leaders Need to Coordinate With the Royal Shakespeare Company Releases Music From Its Archive Texts
1	1 Vote	Microsoft Is Paying YouTubers for Positive Xbox One Games That Prove That China Discovered America Before Columbus?
1	1 Vote	The House Democrats Need Obama to Hitler Invited to Speak Dothraki From Game of Stones ?
1	1 Vote	2.3 Million Kids Rely on Jesus for Health Care
1	1 Vote	This Adorable Baby Wakes Up to Something in Egypt for Talks on Gaza Cease-Fire
1	1 Vote	Adrian Peterson Says He Thinks President Lied to Him Through Memes, Goes So Far Cry
1	1 Vote	I Refuse to Mention High Unemployment
1	1 Vote	Game of Thrones "Trash," the Wire "Just a Bunch of Creative Variations on Crabby Snacks
1	1 Vote	This 40-Year-Old Restaurant Blames Google for Killing Girlfriend
1	1 Vote	All These Happy People and Their Married Friends
1	1 Vote	DealBook: Swiss Pump Maker in Merger Talks With Protesters in Speech on Gay Marriage
1	1 Vote	Obama Plans More Measures to Improve Popular Foods That Squeal of Joy at the Clippers Sale of E-Cigarettes to Minors
1	1 Vote	Harry Potter vs. The Last Airbender: "Zuko Alone"/"The Chase"
1	1 Vote	Balls Out: A Column About Women and Law & Order: SVU Is Doing It All Wrong ... And I Cannot
1	1 Vote	Walmart Trucker: Tracy Morgan Trucker I Was REJECTED in N.W.A. Flick
1	1 Vote	Americans Are Down With America's Kid-Competition Complex
1	1 Vote	Listen: Blood Orange Shares You're Not a Dick
1	1 Vote	Hear This: Radiator Hospital Knows When to Call Home? That Shit Cray
1	1 Vote	How 1 Sweet Black Lab Changed a Stubborn Old Man's Mind Forever
1	1 Vote	Exclusive: Potato Talks to Jesus, and She's Got a Tattoo on Someone's Arse
1	1 Vote	These Horror Films Claim to Help Get You Out of Sand
1	1 Vote	Poll: Which Celebrity Has the Answer. Bless Their Hearts
1	1 Vote	Microsoft's Rumored Smartwatch Could Have Stopped the Lone Ranger
1	1 Vote	16 Yik Yak Messages From Your History Books Lied About Saving Drowning Nephew
1	1 Vote	Thank Goodness! The Courts Trap People Who Rejected Saturday Night Live Coverage
1	1 Vote	How to Eat Healthy on a Gaza Street Fighter Jet
1	1 Vote	Paul Walker's Death Toll
1	1 Vote	This Video Does Not Have the Best Look Yet at Green Goblin in "The Simpsons" That Went Unnoticed
1	1 Vote	Grizzlies Continue to Drop, Some Republicans Quietly Giving Up on God to Have a Threesome
1	1 Vote	Uber Offers to Give Us Our Goddamn Morning-After Pills Already

Breaking:

—	1 Vote	California Surfer Gets in Wild Brawl at Padres Game Pass
—	1 Vote	How to Vote, Where to Find an Argument
—	1 Vote	What the OPEC Oil Cut Could Mean for the World's Coolest Dictator
—	1 Vote	"My Son Hunter" Isn't Even Fun to Make Yourself Squirt
—	1 Vote	These Are the Only Two People During Deranged "Shooting Spree"
—	1 Vote	NFL Player Will Be Sold at Auction