ranjello

Comments

What You Can Ask Me to Even His Hometown Paper Artist of Deep Time for Just $38 at Walmart — and Mine

ranjello

Ten different headlines—each one from a different news source than the last—were smashed to create this abomination.

Look THIS WAY, PAUL. LOOK THIS WAY, PAUL. LOOK THIS WAY, PAUL. LOOK THIS WAY

Look THIS WAY, PAUL. LOOK THIS WAY, PAUL. LOOK THIS WAY

Your Ass Is Ass

ranjello

This is not your headline, velocity.

It's Empty...right? It's Empty...right? It's Empty...right? Right??

ranjello

Right??

Everyone Is Missing — and Vice Versa

ranjello

Is missing everyone?

China to Be Renamed Jennifer Hagan

ranjello

Comma included.

How to Avoid Squirrels

ranjello

SQUIRREL!

Opinion: I Played for Soccer Club

ranjello

That's a fact.

How the Iconic God of War Crimes May Get Amnesty

ranjello

Are we talking about this iconic headline?
https://headlinesmasher.com/364474

Just Say No! No I Caaaaaan't!!!

ranjello

You Just Said It! I Did Noooooooooooooot!

Chelsea Handler Admits She's Very Sexually Attracted to Magnets

ranjello

She has a bipolar libido.

Nation Waits and Waits and Waits and Waits and Waits

ranjello

and Waits and Waits and Waits and Waits

Sex Has Been Cancelled

ranjello

Too many retweets.

Girl Shows Off His Teeth

ranjello

He's a girl!

Trump Is Getting Worse

ranjello

Obvious.

Report: The U.S. Ends

ranjello

America is dead. Respect.

Over 36,000 Pounds of Ground Beef in Every Garage?

ranjello

Yes, over 36,000 pounds of ground beef in every garage.

Jimmy Fallon Says the Shutdown Is Hurting Trump, Too: He Can't Golf

ranjello

Did the government shut down again?

Chiefs-Patriots and Rams-Saints Promise One Thing: Lots of Wild Monkeys With Herpes—and That Number Could Double Soon

ranjello

By the end of the stagnant Super Bowl LIII, the monkey herpes growth rate had declined to 0%.

ranjello

I think that number doubled with the Patriots and Rams' overtime victories.

Great White Shark Attacks Great White Shark Attacks Great White Shark Attacks Great White Shark Attacks Great White Shark Tank's

ranjello

Great White Shark Tank's what?

See Toto's "Africa" Played on a Banana

ranjello

"Africa" has already been played on food.

Michigan Restaurant Owner Offers Free Meals

ranjello

It really happened.

Steve King Removed From Office

ranjello

FINALLY!!!!!!!!

Lemme...*hic* Lemme Tell You About Stairs, Bro!

ranjello

IT *HIC............... KEEPS HAPPENING

Trump Offers a Peek at Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire

ranjello

Really? I thought it came out over four years ago!

The Government Is Shut Down

ranjello

That is currently correct.

Where's the Dinner Party, I Brought My Can Opener for NOTHING!

ranjello

Dinner isn't all about cans.

China Is Building a 1,000-Mile Wall?

ranjello

No, it already built a Great Wall.

Robots Are Replacing Humans in Cemeteries

ranjello

It's great!

The German Economy Just Had Sex With a Capital C

ranjello

Cex?

2018 Is Here, Baby!

ranjello

And time just started turning back!

Homer Was a Poet

ranjello

True.

10 Reasons Why Santa Is Sexy (?)

ranjello

You forgot 40,999,996 other reasons!

Hallucinations and $100,000: The Poker Player Who Shut Himself in a Suitcase for Traveling Overseas?

ranjello

Maybe. I'm not sure.

Eleven-Year-Old Boy Named Trump Is Telling Migranrs to "Go Thru the Desert"

ranjello

What are these things you call "migranrs?"

Boy, 7, Found Dead at 85

ranjello

That's 11 years older than that other boy!

Sex Has Been Fulfilled

ranjello

In other words, sex has been uncancelled.

Monks Use Light Sabers to Fight Terrorists

ranjello

They must be counter-terrorist Jedi!