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418 smashes / 734 upvotes / smashed from 1,025 real headlines
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Derek Chauvin Is Actually a Vampire Vanity Fair
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6 Surefire Ways to Grow in Blood Business Insider Hacker News
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Dog's Sight Saved as Saliva Gland Moved to VA Hospital Parking Lot Mirror
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I Can't Help You Get Older Guys Lifehacker Slate
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Valerie Jarrett Denies Obama Directed Trump Campaign to Tell the Six Guys to Stare at Shit Newsmax The Chive The Daily Beast
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New York's Coronavirus Situation Is Real Serious Doncha Know, No Foolin The Week
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How Trump Plans to Force Armory to Accept Our Goddamn Rifles msnbc
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No, I Can't Touch This Laughing Squid
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Major General Buried With Copies of Book New York Post
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Don Trump Jr's Afghanistan Bounty Hunting Trip Draws Criticism of Course Cele|bitchy Mirror Reason
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SEALs Quietly End Relationship With Taylor Swift Huffington Post
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Mess Hall Commander Fired Due to Broken Voting System USA Today
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Army to Discuss Impeachment Proceedings Free Republic
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Six Men Found Guilty of 143 Years of Highs and Lows Together Mirror New York Post
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Opinion: I Would've Joined the Hall of Mirrors FiveThirtyEight The Guardian
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DARPA Develops "smart Grass" That Yells at You for Your Skin Sensors Free Republic Nature
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Soldier Catches Wife Sleeping With Another Eminem Diss Anonews HelloGiggles
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JOE Namath Replays His Glory Days in Drone Strike Moments After Release From Jail Breitbart Drudge Report Fox News Pitchfork USA Today
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Governor Asks Trump for Impeachable Offenses HotAir
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Hornady Introduces A-Tip Line of POGs
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Roger Mathews for Night Out as Cisgender, Asks Trump for the First Redesign of Helvetica in 35 Years Bizpacreview Hacker News Huffington Post New York Post
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150 People Missing After Disappearing Up VIP Guest Lecturer's Butt New York Times
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Captain Jack Sparrow Named New "Weekend Today" Cohost
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Why No One Trusts ZergNet
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Actors Not Called Nathan Fillion Who Could Draw My Blood? ZergNet
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Opinion: Is There Trouble Ahead? NPR
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This Deer With Crazy Horns Totally Looks Like 2 Chainz Trying Some $3 Million of Taxpayer Money in a Haze Cheezburger Drudge Report Noisey
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Trump Says He's Not Innocent Newcenturytimes
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Retiring Staff Sergeant Thanks God for Hunky New Boyfriend New York Post
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Neller Wishes Mattis Would Hurry Up and Show Off Kissing Skills Access Hollywood
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They Survived Hurricane Maria, Here's How to Check Their Privilege CNN Elite Daily Mental Floss
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Soldier Avenges 9/11 by Giving 100-Dollar Bills to Protect Us From Trolls HelloGiggles USA Today
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People Have No Balls BuzzFeed
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Nintendo Trying to Find Your iPhone 9gag
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Isis Protests Public Nativity Scene on Seth MacFarlane's "Family Guy" Free Republic The Independent
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Virtual Sex -- With Real Turkey and Now She's Leaving :( 9gag Drudge Report Laughing Squid
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Days Stranded at Airport Still Count as Scabbing New York Magazine
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Should I Take Your Order? The Daily Mail
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The Russo Brothers to Tom Brady: There's Only One Star Wars CINEMABLEND New York Post Polygon
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Overwatch 2's Pride Event Shows Blizzard's Trying to Prank Man in Kabul Killed by Senile Old Man in a Truly Absurd Way Kotaku