Headline Smasher

Ach! Augustus! Thank goodness you're alright!

They're signed to 4AD.

10/10

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

This literally made me laugh out loud

Unironically true

https://headlinesmasher.com/513416

Can this be real

No, I unfortuntely cnnot.

Even in death, he's never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.

Pelosi's latest fundraising email is a banger

🤓

Sort of. Nations are socially constructed, but that doesn't mean "not real"; they are what Émile Durkheim called "social facts."

No shit

I haven't full-on hurt myself laughing at one of these in a long time. Dear God.

I can't believe that Biden's been bought out by Biden.

Looks like I picked the wrong board meeting to continue sniffing glue

Every 55-year-old is a mother's child

Omg

An unexpected but promising sequel

Harsh

The technology is groundbreaking, but it was extremely shitty of Wonka to do this in response to the Oompa Loompas unionizing.

"Oh, good, my toast is done."

Yes

Depressing

Which one?

The Aristocrats!

Don't be so precious, Helen of Troy

Fun fact: if your grave doesn't say RIP on it you are automatically drafted into the giraffe zombie war

We can't have presidents committing erection fraud NOW CAN WE

Love the magic realism vibes here

Ross's, we all hope.

Damn, yeah, I mean have you LOOKED at Hell's case numbers? Can't believe Satan would call workers back to the office now.

*liberal voice* Police abolition? Ha! How's that working out in heaven?

Finally, they're taking on the shitlibs

Betteridge's law.

I didn't register the names when I posted this, but now I do and it seems perfectly reasonable.

Speak for yourself

That is so metal, dude

The polls, Mr. President... they look ruff