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49,125 smashes / 120,996 upvotes / smashed from 35,097 real headlines
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Samurai Kitchen Knives Let You "Access" Your Long-Distance Partner Gizmodo io9
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McGwire Haunted by a Meteorite? io9 New York Times Lede
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These Hilariously Witty Comebacks to Sexist Comments Are Perfect for Sterling Cooper's Death Star Management io9 Upworthy
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Futurama's Seventh Season May Finally Tie All the Problems With Working From Home BuzzFeed io9
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The Disease-Causing Fungi That Lurk in Your Broccoli io9 Upworthy
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"That Dead Girl": A Family in the Future of Humankind in Space Veggies BuzzFeed io9 Sploid Upworthy
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How to Celebrate the First Time in My Neighborhood io9 Jezebel New York Times Lede Upworthy
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What's Inside the Fakes Factory: My Chat With a Toy Container Defamer io9 Lifehacker
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Comment of the Feral, Naked Men on the Internet Raises Fuel National Prosperity, So Go Get Yours Gawker io9 Jezebel
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Tuberculosis and Leprosy Thrive by Pretending to Be Worried About a Shot-For-Shot Live-Action Recreation of the Universe Throws io9 Jezebel New York Times Lede
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Pumpkin Spice Is Still Out on His Own Ambitions io9 Jezebel Upworthy
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You Can't Afford to Buy From the Harry Potter Films BuzzFeed io9 Upworthy
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Matt Damon and Jodie Foster Take You Inside the Sistine Chapel for Conclave io9 New York Times Lede
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First Footage From Syrian Army, Activists Say Hello Kitty Has Improbably Kept a Secret at the Rose Parade BuzzFeed io9 Jezebel New York Times Lede
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Gates Plans the Post-Gates Pentagon Will Smith Showed Us The Evolution of Miley Cyrus in Her Sheets in the 1500s BuzzFeed io9 Jezebel New York Times Lede
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Ariel Castro Pleads Not GUILTY TO More Than a Car With a Uke on a Christmas morn HotAir io9 Jezebel TMZ
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When Girls Are Beyond Badass io9 Upworthy
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Police Investigating Georgia Man Who Can't Catch AIDS io9
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Colorado Wildfires Force Thousands to Discuss John Scalzi's Redshirts BuzzFeed io9 New York Times Lede
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Futurama Successfully Makes Me Sick of KFC, PETA, Potholes and Ruffled Feathers io9 Jezebel New York Times Lede
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Internship Horror Story: Asylum: "F*ck It, Let's Just Reboot Everything Again" io9 Jezebel
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These Cats Make Your Cold Black Heart Grow 3 Sizes io9 Jezebel
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Pokemon: A Wild Ride Is Coming to Illinois Electricity CNS News Free Republic io9
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Q. And A. On the Pros and Cons? io9 New York Times Lede
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Recycle Plastic Bags for Better Body Language in a Race? io9 Lifehacker
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These Mega-Sculptures Are the Devil io9 Jezebel
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What if David Attenborough Says the Universe Could Collapse at Any Temperature io9 Jezebel New York Times Lede
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Mars Mapping Makes the Soil Belch Carbon "Buckyballs" io9 Nature
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How to Turn an IKEA End Unit io9 Lifehacker
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This Is the Secret to Becoming an Official Mental Disorder io9 Jezebel
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Headphones and Pacemakers: Not Good Enough for the Geek Essentials Bag BuzzFeed io9 Lifehacker Nature
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The Rise of the Solar System Gawker Gizmodo io9
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An Incredibly Disturbing Look at the End of Hateful Internet Comments About Each Other BuzzFeed io9 Kotaku Upworthy
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Tech Company Claims "Major Breakthrough" in Developing Countries io9 Nature
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4 Ways to Suck at Waiting for Ken to Blink BuzzFeed io9 Lifehacker
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10 Revealing Facts About Black Holes That Will Make Your "Crotch Rock" BuzzFeed io9 The Chive
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Why We All Need to Know Your Boyfriend Prince Harry Compares War to Children Deadspin io9 Jezebel New York Times Lede
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Handy App Turns Your Relationship Into a Minor Subplot io9 Jezebel
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The Scientist Who Ever Lived Has Died io9
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Bad Dates, I Want to Listen to Solve the Mystery of the Friend Zone BuzzFeed io9 Jezebel New York Times Lede