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Headline Smasher

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Earth Will Turn Into a "Mythological Monster"
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Cops Arrest Man in a Hole Lotta trouble
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Florida Man to Keep Government Open Defecation
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400 Indian Brides-To-Be Forced to Answer All Your Questions About the New Cupcake
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A Catalog That Believes Reality Can Sell Clothes Better Than Most Beer Commercials
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I Don't Want Phone Calls
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Grandma.. Let's Go to Jail — for Now THAT Will Make You Actually Have an Acting Career Strategist
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Thou Shalt Not Kill, Vegan Coconut
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Couple Says They Have Egg on Their "Preferred" Sex Offender
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29 Signs Your Company Is About to Lose Weight - and Should Be Prosecuted for Crimes of Grindelwald
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Hey Girl! Science Wants YOU to Take Over the Financial Crisis
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Google Caters to the "Retail Apocalypse"
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Woman's "Bowel Disease" Was Actually Fun in Fungi
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William Gibson Talks Sci-Fi and His Flashing Neon Lamborghini
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This Dog Food Ad Is a Deadly Weapon
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Study: Cloned Human Embryos Yield Stem Cells to Cure Deep Procrastination
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Robots Fail to Explode
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White Supremacist Finds Out It's Cat Vomit
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Clint Eastwood's RNC Speech to Be Charged With DUI
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This May Seem Very Strange, but I Think Pirate Ships Are Beautiful. Shut Up
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Jon Stewart's First Show After He Shot Her Highness
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WATCH: Bernie Sanders or a Crop Top
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Woman Raises Money Online to Marry a Goat
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Give Him a "Faggot"
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Tyler, the Creator of Cowboy Bebop
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America's Baby Is Popping Bottles All Night
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Please Hold Your Breath
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Study Finds That Home Isn't Nearly as Interesting as Space Station
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Google's Need for Annoying Human Guests
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Melodramatic Dog Told to LIE to Ohioans
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Stop Trying to Help Victims
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23 Reasons "Planes, Trains and Automobiles" Is the True Story of a Nobel Laureate
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Snooki Wants to Make Me Go to Denmark
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EA Snags Exclusive Deal to Make Gay Couple's Wedding Invitation
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The Wonderful, Wild and Vile Fashions of the Global Smurf Crime Conspiracy
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Facebook Wants Your Face Made of Mom's Spaghetti
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Futurama Gets a Bath, Hearts Everywhere Explode
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Matt Lauer Whispering Disturbing Remarks to WWII Vets
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Google's New Search for a Very Stable Genius
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Hardaway Jr. Speaks on Mysterious Injury: This Is a Rat's Hole