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Headline Smasher

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Scandal's President Fitzgerald Grant Is the Sound Barrier
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Celebrity Babies Make the Taliban's Heads Explode
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Thanks, Obama!: Florida Man Set a $500,000 Fire in an Apple Store Lives Out Your Dong in Airports
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This Sled Dog Is Stealing Your Soul and Dreams
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Childhood Obesity on the Horizon, Says One Person
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Rise of the Things That Surprised Me
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The Mystery of Slick Martian Slopes Gets Less Slippery
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Apple Confirms It Was Written by Woody Allen
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A Kenyan Man Uses the N-Word
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I Might Not Be Silenced by Faggots
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The Funny Reason Women Are Destined Die Alone (Maybe With Cats)
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JK Rowling Has Been Arrested at Capitol Hill
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Somebody, Please Make a Nativity Scene With Tampons
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Onions That Don't Involve Toast
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The Reason Early Humans May Have Died From Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation
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Food Preserving Chemicals Linked to Another Cold Case Keenum
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The "Condom Challenge" May Be Eating Sweet Potato Casserole All Year Round
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Lindsey Graham's 180 Degree Turn on Donald Trump's Ax?
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I Can't Wait to Play With Dolls for 10 Unhinged Minutes
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What the Hell I Want. These Shoes Hurt, Dammit
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A Dispatch From a Caged Bird
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Watch This Dog Tries to Sell Chocolate donut
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Return of the Immigration Bill Cosby
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F*ck Yeah! There's Gonna Be a Gender Gap
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Self-Loathing Beardless Men Are Getting New Names
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Poll Finds That 42 Percent of Texans Will Have Doubled
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Minnesota State GOP Rep. "Furious" That House GOP Would Let Domestic Abusers Know Their Hentai
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I Feel Like a Pleb
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PlayStation Plus Subscription Service Is Full of Crackheads
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Neil deGrasse Tyson Has a Mightier Nuclear Arsenal Should California Stay or Go?
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Alone in a Family That Couldn't Keep Her...Twice
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Continuum Just Made Me a Donkey, Some Books, and a Cunt
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The Best Way to Wait for Multiplayer Matches
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This "My Little Pony" Resume Does Not Want Them Distributing a Fan-Made Streets of Egypt After 42 Pronounced dead
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I Kept Thinking I Was a Sega CD Game?
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So, a Python Didn't Actually Eat a Bunch of Pretty Pictures
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Meet Colonel Meow, the Cat Who Wears Tights
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Eisenhower Would Probably Be Kicked Out of 13 Community Episodes
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Activison Just Released a New Tool for Predicting Type II Diabetes
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The Official Ranking of the Bravest Things I've Quit Doing at My Desk