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Comments

The Tears of a Creative Variety of Fruits to Determine Validity of Obama's Birth Certificate

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This is some amazing (fruit) word salad

"Endgame" Fan Edit Removes All Women and Everyone They Know

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The whole movie is gone!

What Did Florida Voters Think of Avengers: Endgame?

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That's the most important issue right now.

Girls Be Like, Check Out Nintendo's Awesome E3 Booth

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I *do* be like that!

Life-Threatening Rash That Makes Front Door Deliveries After Being Quizzed on Old Comments

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Holy crap. What does it deliver? Hopefully a rash doesn't quiz me about this comment.

Kawhi Leonard Killed the Loch Ness Monster, Zoologist Tells Festival

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I don't think it's as funny as the original headline about smartphones killing the Loch Ness Monster, but whatever.

I Heard You Like to Be?

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Do be do be do be!

Meh, at Least 55 Dead in Bathroom at San Francisco

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Meh

Trump Laughs Off Supporter's Suggestion to Shoot Dog, Shoots Himself Instead

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Hooray!

Taylor Swift's Jacket Is Filled With Toothpast

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Whatever that is.

Civilization Could Crumble by 2050 if We Try to Throw Phone at President at Gun Rally

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It'd be worth it

Julianne Moore: Women Are Not IN ALABAMA!!!

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Women? IN ALABAMA? It's more likely than you think.

Hey Social Media, Here Comes the Cowboy

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Howdy howdy howdy!

Why Bother Playing Games, When You Want to Remain Single

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I thought playing games *was* how you stayed single

Being a Dick. Be a Horrible Fire to Raise Tariffs on the Unicorns! George RR Martin Finish the Books?

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Sorry. I'm just really taken with this word salad.

Types of Tornadoes: Wedges, Elephant Trunks, Waterspouts, Ropes. Here's How to Cope With PTSD

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...Whaaaat?

Todd Starnes: Democrats Poised to Kill Thanos?

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Well, duh.

Trump Is a Baby. It's a Magnificent Sight

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Is it though?

We're Not Going to Disney World

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:(

At Last, a Loaf of Bread!

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HOORAY! I assume it's sliced bread.

Trump Did Not Survive His Last Climb. His Loyal Dog Barked by His Two Daughters: I Couldn't Be Happier

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Everyone forgets Tiffany. There's always a Tiffany.

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What kind of weird alternate universe is this? He doesn't like dogs or go climbing in this one and most importantly, he isn't dead.

Forget Self-Driving Cars. Bring Back the Sausages!

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Maybe. But you don't wanna see how it's made.

Human Speech Sounds Like Petting a Marshmallow

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It's like a robot literally typed this

Roughly Half the Electorate Views Christian Nationalism as a Black Hole

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Sure, why not?

Every Bunny Doesn't Want to Legalize Prostitution

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Yeah, that's an offensive stereotype

Oops... Forgot We Were Cyborgs

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OOPS!

NASA Is About to Make a Crater

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It's about time!

Facebook Is Down, Twitter Becomes a Hot Tub and a Treadmill

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Yaaay!

America Could Be in Jail Cell, Sheriff Says

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The bars are in your head!

Elizabeth Warren Proposes Breaking Up With a Shark, Gets a Warm Towel to Snuggle With?

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Sure?

Suicide Squad Reboot Needs a National Emergency ALERT

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OUCH

Pac-Man, "Space Invaders" and Classic Video Games Are Producing Serious Addicts

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What is this, the 80s?

THQ Nordic Held Q&A on a T-Shirt

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That would have been an improvement.

Man Explains How to Feel Like an ONION

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You gotta wear a lot of LAYERS

Embryo & Sperm in the Comments

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Eeep!

My Lavender Eye Pillow Zonks Me Out Like a Knife Crime

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How relaxing!

Dog Whistling at the Lincoln Memorial

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I got this when I was tired and took it super literally. I couldn't figure out how a dog could whistle. I could've just assumed it was someone literally whistling for a dog but nooo I had to wonder how a dog could whistle.

House Dems Obsessed With Bread

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It's true!

FOX & Friends Brian Kilmeade: You Were Born

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For once, I can't argue with Fox News