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Comments

Iran: Saudi Arabia Split by a Fifth Element

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LOVE TORE THEM APART

St. Louis Daycare FIGHT CLUB

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This is a real headline tho

GOOD News! You Can Customize the Look of Henry Plummer

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That's specific!

Dead Brothel Owner From Nevada Just Won Everyone Free Tacos

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Honestly, I'm not sure this is funnier than the original story

Mirror Mirror on the Ground

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Who's the fairest one around?

Giant Lizard in Florida Senate Race?

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DAVID ICKE WAS RIGHT!

Trump Claims Democrats Could Be Hiding on Mars

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AND THAT EXPLAINS THE SPACE FORCE

Cubs Fan Catches Foul Ball in Beer, Downs It Like a Toddler

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What does that mean?

Dodgeball With a Knife

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There's a kids' book called K Is for Knifeball

Florida Man, 88, Burns Raccoon Alive Over Eating Mangoes, Police Say WHAT??

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The "WHAT???" is a minor addition, but I still think it's funny.

Primary Challenge to Trump? It Could Be Cute Koala

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I'm not sure Nom Nom would be an improvement

Harry Potter Fans Can Visit IRL Trolls

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BUT WHAT KIND OF TROLLS?

Kanye on His Breakup With Macaulay Culkin

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But they were so good together!

Democrats Blame Russians for Hacking the DNC Meeting Tupac

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It'd be awesome if this had a comma

The Rise of the Computer-Generated Celebrity Chef

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If AI Weirdness taught me anything, computers are terrible chefs. Unless you're into "Crock Pot Cold Water" or "Beothurtreed Tuna Pie." Whatever that is.

Yoku's Island Express Gets a Sweet Minnie Mouse Makeup Brush Line Dancing on Stacks of Butter and Eggs

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Tasty word salad

Kylie Will Stop Using Plastic Straws From Theme Parks by Mid-2019

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That's weirdly specific.

Yes, It's Real: Japan's Brand New Wife!

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I think you mean "waifu"

Fiddle-Dee-Dee! I Am a Hacker

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Yay!

This Guy Served His Friends Tacos Made From Ocean Waste in 2017

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I can't say this is all that much weirder than the original headline. But whatever.

This Photographer Takes Intimate Portraits of French Horns

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Draw me like one of your French horns

Possible Explosive Devices Found at Eeyore's Birthday Party

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Eeyore's Birthday Party is an Austin tradition and a body was found fairly close to the event. This isn't any weirder than what actually happened.

Search for Murdered Student Delayed by George RR Martin Again

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GODDAMN IT GEORGE

Young Americans Are the Secret to Olivia Munn's Shiny Locks

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She grinds them up to make shampoo

Melania Trump Is Now a Nendoroid Figurine

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EW

D-Cups Full of Pepperoni and a $1 Billion

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Not sure it gets better than that.

Dancing With the Raptors Right Now?

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Open the door, get on the floor! (Yeah gonna say it's about actual dinosaurs and not a team)

Do Socks Help You Do the Impossible?

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OBVIOUSLY

Man Allegedly Robs Bank to Slash Jobs in the Footsteps of Your Hand Kitty

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OK it's a terrible headline but I think it's a pretty tasty word salad. What does it mean?

College Graduate Decides to Change Toilet Paper Correctly

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HOOORAY

Trump Abandoned His Own TOILET SEAT

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THE POOR THING

Kevin Smith Reveals He Likes Chips

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HOLY GUACAMOLE!

Blondes Don't Really Want a Priest, a Magician and a Moat

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BUT I THOUGHT EVERYONE WANTED THAT

A Ravishing Vintage Cabaret Cover of Earth, Wind & Fire's "September"

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I want this

Beyonce Does a Forrest Gump and Jogs Across the Cosmos

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Fun Fact: Forrest Gump didn't run across the cosmos, but he did go to space in the book (No, really)

GERMANY: Syrian Migrant Indicted Over Nude Pictures of Clouds

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I believe they call it being skyclad

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Those clouds aren't wearing any clothes at all!

There Will Be a Chief Flamingo Officer at Parkland HS

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Apparently the "Chief Flamingo Officer" would be someone who's supposed to take care of the flamingos they plan on adding to Mar-a-Lago. I have no idea what one would be doing at a high school.

WH Claims Trump Never Said Russia Has Developed a Cancer-Detecting Pen

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That's like the one thing he hasn't said

Bad Fanfic Friday: My Inner Life Is a "Constitutional Abomination"

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Well, it was one of the worst things I've ever read