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Comments

Human Speech Sounds Like Petting a Marshmallow

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It's like a robot literally typed this

Roughly Half the Electorate Views Christian Nationalism as a Black Hole

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Sure, why not?

Every Bunny Doesn't Want to Legalize Prostitution

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Yeah, that's an offensive stereotype

Oops... Forgot We Were Cyborgs

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OOPS!

NASA Is About to Make a Crater

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It's about time!

Facebook Is Down, Twitter Becomes a Hot Tub and a Treadmill

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Yaaay!

America Could Be in Jail Cell, Sheriff Says

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The bars are in your head!

Elizabeth Warren Proposes Breaking Up With a Shark, Gets a Warm Towel to Snuggle With?

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Sure?

Suicide Squad Reboot Needs a National Emergency ALERT

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OUCH

Pac-Man, "Space Invaders" and Classic Video Games Are Producing Serious Addicts

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What is this, the 80s?

THQ Nordic Held Q&A on a T-Shirt

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That would have been an improvement.

Man Explains How to Feel Like an ONION

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You gotta wear a lot of LAYERS

Embryo & Sperm in the Comments

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Eeep!

My Lavender Eye Pillow Zonks Me Out Like a Knife Crime

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How relaxing!

Dog Whistling at the Lincoln Memorial

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I got this when I was tired and took it super literally. I couldn't figure out how a dog could whistle. I could've just assumed it was someone literally whistling for a dog but nooo I had to wonder how a dog could whistle.

House Dems Obsessed With Bread

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It's true!

FOX & Friends Brian Kilmeade: You Were Born

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For once, I can't argue with Fox News

Video Hilariously Ponders What Happens in a Tree, K‑I‑S‑S‑I‑N‑G

Iran: Saudi Arabia Split by a Fifth Element

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LOVE TORE THEM APART

St. Louis Daycare FIGHT CLUB

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This is a real headline tho

GOOD News! You Can Customize the Look of Henry Plummer

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That's specific!

Dead Brothel Owner From Nevada Just Won Everyone Free Tacos

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Honestly, I'm not sure this is funnier than the original story

Mirror Mirror on the Ground

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Who's the fairest one around?

Giant Lizard in Florida Senate Race?

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DAVID ICKE WAS RIGHT!

Trump Claims Democrats Could Be Hiding on Mars

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AND THAT EXPLAINS THE SPACE FORCE

Cubs Fan Catches Foul Ball in Beer, Downs It Like a Toddler

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What does that mean?

Dodgeball With a Knife

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There's a kids' book called K Is for Knifeball

Florida Man, 88, Burns Raccoon Alive Over Eating Mangoes, Police Say WHAT??

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The "WHAT???" is a minor addition, but I still think it's funny.

Primary Challenge to Trump? It Could Be Cute Koala

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I'm not sure Nom Nom would be an improvement

Harry Potter Fans Can Visit IRL Trolls

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BUT WHAT KIND OF TROLLS?

Kanye on His Breakup With Macaulay Culkin

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But they were so good together!

Democrats Blame Russians for Hacking the DNC Meeting Tupac

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It'd be awesome if this had a comma

The Rise of the Computer-Generated Celebrity Chef

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If AI Weirdness taught me anything, computers are terrible chefs. Unless you're into "Crock Pot Cold Water" or "Beothurtreed Tuna Pie." Whatever that is.

Yoku's Island Express Gets a Sweet Minnie Mouse Makeup Brush Line Dancing on Stacks of Butter and Eggs

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Tasty word salad

Kylie Will Stop Using Plastic Straws From Theme Parks by Mid-2019

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That's weirdly specific.

Yes, It's Real: Japan's Brand New Wife!

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I think you mean "waifu"

Fiddle-Dee-Dee! I Am a Hacker

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Yay!

This Guy Served His Friends Tacos Made From Ocean Waste in 2017

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I can't say this is all that much weirder than the original headline. But whatever.

This Photographer Takes Intimate Portraits of French Horns

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Draw me like one of your French horns

Possible Explosive Devices Found at Eeyore's Birthday Party

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Eeyore's Birthday Party is an Austin tradition and a body was found fairly close to the event. This isn't any weirder than what actually happened.