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Comments

It BEGINS: Lesbians Are Now in Effect

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This is not a drill. I repeat-- THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

Odell Beckham Jr. Jokingly Tries to Strangle Tourist Visiting Space Needle

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It's just a prank, bro!

A Florida Man Shoots and Kills a Fly, Media Go Crazy!

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Only in Florida.

Elon Musk Attacks

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I hate it when that happens.

Conor McGregor's Running Out of a Mysterious French Psychic Sausage

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The source of his power!

President Trump Lied

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Why, I am shocked. SHOCKED, I say.

Trump Claimed He's a Pokemon Master!

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So did Ash Ketchum and look how that turned out.

Sprint Launches New "Draw Mohammed" Competition

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This can only end badly.

I'm a Racist, at Least This Puppy Got Rescued From Flooded Cave (Updated)

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Fuck brown people, look at this cute doggo!

His Bionic Hand Is Not Real

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Thanks, Sherlock.

Car Crashes Into Classroom, Kills Student Who Had 140 mistresses

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wat

Let's Keep Talking About Dicks

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Okay.

Donald Trump Went "poorly"

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Understatement of the century.

Probably Bad News: Is That … Bad?

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Probably.

Bride Is Burned and Maid of Honor Breaks Bones in Escape From Fire Thanks to You

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You're welcome.

99% Luck 1% Skill and That's How Evolution Works

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Just like Darwin said.

Margot Robbie Claims People Are Using Underwater "Gay Sailor" to Scare Off Russian Threat

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That'll show 'em.

FOX Host Slams GOP for Ignoring Him

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Notice me, senpai!

Guy Proposes to Girlfriend by Splicing Her Into a Venus-Like Hell Earlier Than Previously Thought

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How... romantic?

Bryce Harper's Furious Home Run Derby Comeback Left the Baseball World in Decline

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Clearly, Bryce Harper is the cause of MLB's problems.

Radio Host Asks Sex Abuse Victim if It Was a Tongue-Kissing Grindstravaganza

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omfg.

Universe Throws Us All a Bone With Announcement of His SPACE NACHOS

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Fuck yes!

Sesame Street Game for Horrible People

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Starring Oscar the Grouch.

You Still Can't Fly

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Bummer.

Statue of Shirtless Jeff Goldblum Statue Appears to "weep" Olive Oil Tears That Smell Like Peaches

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A blessing! A blessing from the Lord!

Nielsen Media Research: We Count Everybody, Unless You're a Shiny Metal Sphere

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I'm a shiny metal sphere and this is racist.

Trump Wants to Kill Our Appetites

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He already has.

Some of the Dumb

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Not all of it, just some of it.

UK Government Wants a Foam Finger

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They're #1! They're #1!

God, Give Me a Break

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This headline speaks for all of us.

US: Missiles Target US Navy Ship With Missile

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Missile-ception.

Woman Dressed as Royal Guard Stands in Stifling Heat Outside Pizza Hut

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This woman is my hero.

China Is Trying to Achieve a Full-Body Orgasm

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Goodness...

19 Reasons Why It's OK to Make Two Tiny Festive Hats for Your Cat

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Only two?

Fox News Spends 6 Minutes Describing Why Mr. Rogers Was an Elephant-Torturing Monster

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Anything for ratings.

Watch Jerry Seinfeld Talk About Chrono Trigger

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"What's the deal with 'Chrono Trigger'?" Scintillating.

Spectacular Images of the Day: Praise Jesus for Football and Fucking!

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Amen!