Real Headline from Jezebel Jezebel
“Coffee Might Keep You From Killing Yourself”
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Smashes of This Headline

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Coffee Might Keep You Safe From All Sorts of Douchebags
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Coffee Might Keep You Poor and Miserable Forever
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Lesbian Lizard Kiss From Dr. Who Will Help Protect You From Killing Yourself
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Another Mass Killing Yourself
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Coffee Might Keep You Alive When You're Thrilled That Kids Look Up the Place You Should Be Creating Right Now (9/8)
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X-Men Director Is Developing Toys That Can Keep You From Killing Yourself
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Coffee Might Keep You Up at Night
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Revealed: Instagram Accounts That Will Keep You From Killing Yourself
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Coffee Might Keep You From Drinking Too Much Wine
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Coffee Might Keep You Up for Retirement by Now Mariah Carey Is a Surly Sea Witch
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New Year's Resolutions I Actually Might Keep You From Face-Recognition Technology
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The New York City Issues Emergency Weather Declaration to Keep You From Killing Yourself
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5 Shockingly Creative Ways to Protect You From Killing Yourself
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CVS to Stop You From Killing Yourself
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Coffee Might Keep You Alive
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This Nicolas Cage Flashlight Will Keep You From Ever Being Roofied