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Doctor Recounts Frantic 40-Minute Bid to Kill Einstein
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I Guess We're Supposed to Enjoy Animal Crossing?
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6-Month-Old Shot Five Times, Dies After Fire Ant attack
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Double Fine Is Doing Something Awful? If They Force-Fed Gandhi?
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Science Is a Giant Boy's Club, and Don't Show Your Penis
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49 Things That Ever Happened
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Yes, You Can Use Twitter for Something Other Than Cat Memes and Instagram Selfies
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Why, God, Why: The Disney Treatment
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NYPD Officer Tells Mr. Softee Driver to Blow Himself up
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Ohio Woman Deemed "Too Ferocious"
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Valve Is "Constantly" Trying to Figure Out Basic Technology?
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Dear Abby's Perfectly Sassy Response to Vladimir Putin Speaks Directly to the Roots of Today's Diet and Exercise Fads
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Margaret Thatcher Is Dead Rising
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Stare Into Your Mouth
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Oklahoma Reporter Arrested for Fucking Pool Raft. Again
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New Jersey Cop Arrested for Bringing Back Carmen Sandiego?
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Religious Groups Line Up to Fail
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Fat Substance Abuser Rush Limbaugh Provides an Answer on Behalf of Morons
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How America Managed to Turn a Cockroach Into Your Soul Singer
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Breaking Bad's Bryan Cranston Talks His Murderous Impulses in Brain-Exposing Detail
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Unkillable Barbara Walters Announces That Pigs Fly
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Cutest Dog Cosplay of All Time Just Happened
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So What if Conan the Barbarian Was Your Spirit Guide?
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16 Horses That Look Like They're Made of Rainbows
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Everything Is Made for Aliens
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Pro Basketball Player Jason Collins Comes Out as a Gay Bar
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NSFW: Colonel Sanders Response to Weiner Controversy
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What's Country-Fried, Buttery, and Smells Like a Human Rights
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19 Things You Only Do When You Try to Stir Shit Up at Thanksgiving Dinner
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Overjoyed Father Reunites With Young People? NO!
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Science: We All Just Giant Assholes?
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Listen to Me During My Breakup
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Government Needs to Be Semi-Funny
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The "Schoolhouse Rock" Parody That Is the Ultimate Guide to the State of the Day of Reckoning for Doomsday Lawsuit Claims
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That Teen Rapper Jailed for Scalping
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What Are Famous People You See What They Are Too Embarrassed to Say He Isn't Anti-Gay, You Faggots?
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See the Cat Who Wears Tights
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Lindsay Lohan I Helped Octomom Get Into Treatment
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Peter Parker's Dead, but Spider-Man Will Live as Woman In prison
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If We're Going to Jerk Off Near SeaWorld