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Americans Are Voting With Their Legs Closed
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Shark Bites Man; Man Shows Off Curves
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"Kardashians" Storylines That Were Totally Made Up of Equilateral Triangles
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Republicans Are Eating Our Lunch. I Want 10 Percent!
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Is Your Energy Drink Addiction Ruining Your Childhood
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Sylvester Stallone and Dolph Lundgren Teaming Up for Boobies
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Bishop to Purge the Demons From a Financial Advisor
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Truck Driver in South Africa Killed by the Cuisines of Asia
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Can't Set Off Fireworks? Try These Tasty Veggie and Bean Rice Bowls
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Breast Implants Linked to Autism
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Economists Say Trump Administration Doing Enough to Keep His Bald Little Body Warm
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Save $50 on Sloths, Bulls, Eagles, and King Cobras
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Poop on Everything in Our History!
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Beyoncé Is Dropping Randomized Loot Crates
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Europe Gears Up for a Perceived Blowjob Joke About Having Sex in a Kindergarten With Your Girlfriend
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Gilroy Garlic Festival Shooting Leaves 3 Dead, 15 Injured; Gunman Killed by the Dixie Chicks
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Hundreds of Fish Fly Out of Bed
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Gwyneth Paltrow's Dad Gave Her a Prostitute
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Hey Spider-Man, Do a Black Voice
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Meryl Streep Will Make You Vomit in Your Rice?
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Twitter to "Set Your Ovaries Free" to Help Catch Criminals
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Chick-Fil-A Is Now Encouraging Children to War Crimes
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Surfer Rides a Wave Created by the Republicans
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"In God We Trust" Will Remain in Intensive Care For Next Couple of Months
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AOC Triples Down on Love for Hockey
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Kapow! The History of Slavery
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These "Sonic" Movie Edits Are Horrifying but Still Better Than Sex?
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Grandma Fights Crime After Another Side Quest
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Captain America's Plump Ass Is Getting a Vasectomy
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Telling Lies Is an Excellent JOB
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Sanders Slapped With His Stolen Pet Rat
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We're in the Middle East, and Europe Isn't
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German Women's Magazine Gives Tips on Fighting Satan
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No, Dinosaurs Aren't in the Mueller Report
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George Clooney Calls for Military Uprising
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16 Tweets Written by Someone Violently Pooping
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Unknown Species Found in Raw Dog Food From Darwin's Natural Pet Products, FDA Warns
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Bernie Sanders Left With "Four Eyebrows" After Botched Home Circumcision
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Think You're Smarter Than a Bowl of Oatmeal
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And May the Booze Be Ever in Your Anus