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“Here Is The Perfect Invention To Keep Your Tears From Ruining Your Favorite Books”
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Smashes of This Headline

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Your Constant Masturbation Is Ruining Your Favorite Books
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Keep Your Guinea Pig Protected With a GRENADE
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Ninjas, Snooki, and Fantasy Football Are Ruining Your Love Life
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Here Is a Lie
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Rihanna Would Like to Inhale Your Favorite Books
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Here Is a Barrel of Fun for Everyone but Street Cleaners
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Here Is a Banana Pouch
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Here Is a Real Thing
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Here Is a Total Dick
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Here Is a Republican
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Louisiana Senators Vote to Keep Your Tears From Ruining Your Favorite Books
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Here Is a Crazy, Terrible Idea
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And Oh My God, Here Is a Thing
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Here Is a (Vagina-Tearing) Breeze
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Here Is the Perfect Birthday Card for When You Have No Idea How Evolution Works
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A Reader's Guide to Ruining Your Favorite Books
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Learn How to Be the Perfect Slut
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Here Is a Secret Car Catapult
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Here Is a Business: The Death Star Makes Everything Cooler, Even a Lesbian
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Here Is a Beach
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Here Is a Problem
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These Workers Just Want to Keep Your Tears From Ruining Your Favorite Books
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Krang Cosplay Is the Perfect Invention to Keep Gaza's Economy On the Brink of Collapse, Leaked Cable Says
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Here Is a Dick
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Here Is What Happens When Moms Listen to Rap
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Here Is a Death Trap
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Keep Your Tears From Ruining Your Teeth in 6 Seconds
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Here Is a Lot of Music, and a Hand
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Here Is the Best Anti-Photoshop Protest You Won't See on "Cops"
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People Are Being Sacrificed to Keep Your Tears From Ruining Your Favorite Books
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Here Is a Potentially Awesome Idea
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The Doctor Has Displeased the Empire State Building and Oh My God, Here Is Your Birthday?
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Here Is a Book
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Here Is Celine Dion Who Wants My Motorcycle?
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Advertisers Make the Perfect Slime
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Breakdowns: Ryan Seacrest Is Ruining Your Favorite Books
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Here Is a Bitter, Jealous Little Newspaper Memo
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Here Is a Dome
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Here Is the Reason Your Grandma Would Want an Eloquent "Fuck Off"
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Here Is a Weirdo