Real Headline from McSweeny's McSweeny's
“I Am the Man Who Paints His Face With the American Flag and Goes to Olympic Curling Matches and Bangs A Cowbell”
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Smashes of This Headline

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I Am the Man Stabbed for Asking Girlfriend's Catcaller to Stop EVERYTHING
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I Am Being Stalked, Please Let Me Embrace Your Pregnant Belly