Real Headline from McSweeny's McSweeny's
“Fights I’ve Recently Seen in Which I was Not Involved, but Still Played a Part, However Minor, Done in Three Short Plays.”
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Smashes of This Headline

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At Daycare for the Person Who Was Not Involved, but Still Fall Under Suspicion
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Circumstances Under Which I Was Attacked by Feral Shopping Carts?
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This 7-Year-Old Girl Is the Wildest Baseball Brawl We've Seen in Which I Was Wrong About This Suicide-Themed