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“High School Suspends A Girl For Being The Designated Driver For A Drunk Friend Who Needed A Ride Home”
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Smashes of This Headline

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Anthony Weiner Claims He Was Fired for Being the Antichrist
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NYPD Officer Sent to Gorilla Therapy for Being "Too Sexy"
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High School Marching Band Morphs Into a Steamy Bromance
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Google Rolls Out Full HTML5 Site for a Homophobic Slur
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Judge Legalizes Gay Marriage for a Few Kinect Beta Testers
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Google Keeps Paying Deceased Employees Families for a Year & Sold a Startup...with Only 300 Lines of Python
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So This Is What Happens When You Buy Fire Insurance for a Drug Problem
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Dad Thought He Was Just ASKING if You'd Bang a Drunk Friend
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Pentagon Budgets $60 Million for Being Total Bullshit
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My Dad Has a New Record for Being a Shithead
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Microsoft Ready for a Weed Icon?
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Will a Bisexual Journalist Be Deported for Being the Chosen One
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Watch a Congressman Ask an 8-Year-Old for a Threesome
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Breast-Milk-Flavored Lollipops Are Now for a Butter Substitute
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Bye-Bye, Baby for Being the Antichrist
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I Asked for a Pie
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Several Hospital Employees Fired for Being Hated - 83% Disapproval
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Soulja Boy Is Looking for a Sound of Music Remix to Lull You Into a BACKFLIP!
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101 Uses for a Superiority Complex
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Elderly Men Held Captive for a Movie
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Yo, THAT's Fifty Dollars for a Week
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After a Hungry 6th Grader Was Denied Food for Being Gay and Expelled for Trying to Make Unauthorized Streaming a Felony
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Doctors Grow Nose on His Ass for a Change
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Arizona High School Suspends a Girl on Live TV
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A Girl Enacts Her Own Religion
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Russian Scientists Say It's OK to Sex a Drunk Friend Who Needed a Ride on a Juice Cleanse
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The 23 Most Wonderfully Scottish Things That Make Us Long for a New Director Attempts to Stop Abortion Bill Hearing Gets the Last 4 Years
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This Is What a Bag of Flour Can Do Instead of Murdering You, This Bear Is New Feature Film Campaigning for a Luckless Qantas Jet
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High School Cheerleader Who Had 140 mistresses
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27 Sure Signs You Were Looking for a Zoo
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Clever Advertisement for a Lifetime Behind Bars
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Congress Still Puts Out for a Skunk
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Oh, Nothing, It's Just a Girl Suffering From Sexist Name Calling
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Raccoon With a Dick for a Comeback
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There Is Actually a Rally Cry for a Biblical Fantasy
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Congressional Black Caucus Reportedly Told to Eat a Drunk Friend Who Needed a Ride Home
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Watch 81-Year-Old High School Stabbing Spree
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High School Girls to Not Write or Say Anything, Ever
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Losing Sleep for a Great Thing
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UPDATED: There Are No Longer a Safe Place for a Supervillain?