rollersnake

Comments

New Breast Cancer "Calculator" Could Help Bees Fight Off Deadly Disease

rollersnake

Hurr durr, BOOBEES.

California Today: California Today: California Today: California Today: What's That Smell?

rollersnake

Burnt toast?

Satellite Spies Methane Bubbling Up From School Employee

rollersnake

Finally! Irrefutable evidence that he who smelt it had not, in fact, dealt it.

Woman Convicted of Illegally Feeding Bears for 10 More New Songs

rollersnake

Bears are nature's jukeboxes.

Gollum Dropped the Weed?

rollersnake

Smeagol doesn't like the hobbitses' smelly leaves! Smeagol wants the Precious!

This Strange Hum Circled the Whole Group

rollersnake

It's probably the refrigerator... or perhaps our parents' voices, or a foreign language in prayer.

Trump Threatens to Shut the F*ck Up

rollersnake

FAKE NEWS! SAD!

Man Shoots Himself in Ankle While Playing With Swords

8,000 Barrels in Oil Spill Into the Mountain Dew

rollersnake

Mountain Dew Pitch Black is back!

Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi?

rollersnake

I'm seeing double here! Four Pelosis!

When Girls Sleep With the Bulls

rollersnake

If ancient Greece had Buzzfeed...

Multi-Millionaire Crushed to Death at Dallas Strip Club

rollersnake

He got a lapdance from the woman in the previous headline.

Woman May Lose Nipple After Botched Lasik

rollersnake

"Hello? My eyes are UP HERE!"

Adam Lanza's Writings Reveal He Was ‘Helping’

rollersnake

Just thought I should clarify since this is a particularly awful headline: I have absolutely no sympathy for Adam Lanza, and Sandy Hook truthers are the scum of the earth.

Rudolph the Red Carpet

rollersnake

It would also explain why some really good headlines I saved in the past seemed to mysteriously vanish. I only noticed this time because I went to leave a comment.

rollersnake

Okay, that's interesting—this was a headline that was generated for me that apparently had already been saved by another user two years ago. I had no idea there was a system in place to handle duplicate headlines.

rollersnake

Had a... shiny armpit?

Pokemon: Let's Go Inside Futuristic Restaurant, Where Robot Has Replaced Bartender

rollersnake

The robot is also the gym leader.

Why Spider-Man Is Actually a Serial Child Predator

rollersnake

♫ Spider-Man, Spider-Man, he's got candy in his van ♫

How Do I Raise a Special-Needs Child Bride

rollersnake

I think of all the headlines I've ever generated, this might be the most disturbing.

Russian Roulette With Your Kids How to Make Your Roommates Uncomfortable

rollersnake

That... uh, that'd be pretty uncomfortable, alright.

Steven Tyler Once Adopted a German Shepherd Named Major E.Coli

rollersnake

This is one of my all-time favorites.

The True Saint Nicholas: Why He Flip-Flopped on Trump Tariffs

rollersnake

If I was wrong, then I apologize.

Monologue: I'm the Most Frequently Overlooked Super NES Classics

rollersnake

Specifically, I'm 50% Fire Striker, 40% Equinox, and 10% Cacoma Knight in Bizyland.

Game Records No One Did Incest and Murder Like the Penguin (Batman)

rollersnake

Like, I noticed this last month but kept quiet about it because they weren't being too brazen at first, and some of their headlines were legitimately funny. I emailed Wil Gieseler about this a couple days ago, but I don't know how moderation issues are usually handled here.

rollersnake

I'm sure this is a rereg of the vote spammer, considering he registered the same day that account was banned. He's just giving almost all of his headlines 1-2 votes instead of giving every headline 3-4 votes like he was before.

Heart Surgeon Given Near-Fatal Dose of Ass

rollersnake

Exactly how much ass constitutes a fatal dose? And is it possible to build up a tolerance?

Donald Trump Uses the Buddy System in Sicily

rollersnake

They call it "cosa nostra" there, I think.

Kim Kardashian's Butt Sharks or People?

rollersnake

There's no connection between "butt" and "sharks" in these headlines. Headline Smasher just came up with Butt Sharks all on its own, I guess.

My Name Is Sprouted

rollersnake

Short for Sproutheodore.

Joke of the Beast / Piece of Sh*t

rollersnake

They really should've made Piece of Sh*t the A-Side instead of Joke of the Beast.

Hillary Drops Another Hint She's Planning to Stage a Mass Murderer

rollersnake

I seriously didn't realize it said murderer and not murder until just now.

Hardy Fox, Composer for America's Soul

FALSE Facts About French Bulldogs

rollersnake

In France, French Bullogs are known as "chiens perdus."

Hit & Run Donkey

rollersnake

Did anyone get the number of that donkey cart?

In France, a Giant Testicle

rollersnake

En Angleterre, un ovaire géant.

Dog Attacks, Drags 11-Year-Old Boy Playing DQ11

rollersnake

...on the 11th hour of the 11th day, of the 11th month.

In Connecticut, Virginia and Colorado Man Finds Biological Parents Using Ancestry Kit

rollersnake

I can't explain it, but I have a slight suspicion that the kit may not be 100% accurate.

If a Prince Murders a Journalist, That's Not a Socialist Success

rollersnake

But if a journalist murders a prince...

Ted Cruz on My Bed

rollersnake

Been a while since I got one of these that made me physically recoil.